Ben Wood and Kira Cleer’s satirical predictions for 2016.

Howell Public Schools

The 2016-17 school year gives way to a new dress code where all women are forced to wear nuns’ habits.

After years of dedication, security guard Mary has retired. The Class of 2016 seniors organized the first senior prank since the Class of 2014 by having a food fight throughout the school. While this food fight was going on, to distract the security, students moved the rock to the security desk with the cliche message, “Seniors rock!”.

Politics

The year is 2016, and the Mexicans have invaded after climbing over the wall that Donald Trump ironically hired Mexicans to help build. Most of America has joined forces with them in an attempt to move Bernie Sanders into office.

North Korea got their bombs together after being deeply offended by Justin Bieber’s new hit, “North Korea is the Bomb”, and are now attacking his home country of Canada. All throughout Canada and the eastern coast of America people claim there’s a strong smell of maple syrup.

Celebrities

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are preparing for triplets. They’ve decided to name them South, East, and West.

What’s good for Miley Cyrus? Nothing. After Billy Ray Cyrus’ new album, “What’s Good?” was released, sales for his new albums skyrocketed while Miley’s took a hit.

Tech.

Robots have been successfully and wholeheartedly accepted into society, the first minority group to have been so welcomed in under a year.

The iPhone 7 comes out. It now has the option of using eyes, fingerprints, toe prints, tongues, and belly buttons to unlock the phone. It also bends in half. The iPhone 7 is just a small laptop.

Health

Cancer research begins advancing so quickly that hospitals have begun completely curing people of their cancer, but at the expense of patients returning to the hospitals with foaming mouths and attacking people trying to eat their flesh and brains.

The 1% have a slumber party where they watch The Island and decide it’s such a splendid idea that they decide to recreate it. With Donald Trump funding it, the 1% begin making “body doubles” for when they fall ill and need a replacement body part.

Fashion

The 2008 fashion sensation hits America again as Silly Bandz have began to sweep the nation. All ages have been seen wearing them. Workplaces and schools have had to implement new policies giving their students and employees time to trade their Silly Bandz.
Eyelash extensions replace the popular Kylie Jenner lip trend of enlarging your lips for horrifying results. In other news, blindness has increased by 25% among the 12-16 year old female demographic.